How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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