Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
