Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
