I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
