What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
