apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
