You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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