I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
