Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
