Umm I'm too high to move.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize