i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
