I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
