as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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