but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
