TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
