The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
