She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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