You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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