Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
