I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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