i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
