i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
