last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
