Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
