fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
