Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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