there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
