YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
