In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
