and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
