we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
