I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
