once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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