Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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