Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
