I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Someone came in the potted fern
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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