We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
