imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
