I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
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