Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
