May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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