yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
