I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
