Swine flu. Run for my life!
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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