The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
