Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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