honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
