I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Randomize
