If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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