You're a womanizer and a bitch.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
