she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Randomize
