Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
